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Home > Articles > Mercury Muse > Pizza man Pixelated by Pigs
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 Pizza man Pixelated by Pigs
Cadillac Flats, AR -- Tragedy struck the Oscar Wilder Meat Packing Plant last week when a delivery man driving the local Greystone Pizza delivery van showed up at the slaughterhouse with a double anchovy pizza. According to the retrieved surveylance camera tapes, Mr. Lester Chumpchains left his vehicle to deliver within the 30-minutes-or-pizza-is-free time limit, but had to quickly return to his van to disconnect the horn, which had become stuck apparently by a rampaging pig that somehow climbed up into the front seat. As Mr. Chumpchains attempted to dislodge the swine, his vehicle began rolling down the hill toward the pig parts pile near the loading dock at the rear of the plant. Unable to activate the brakes, Chumpchains rode with the out of control vehicle until it collided with the doorway, demolishing the adjoining wall and careening into the building. The pizza van ended up in the company pig-pen where those pigs that were uninjured ate every pizza on the truck, and then tried to eat their injured brethren. Mr. Chumpchains avoided being eaten by escaping through the moon-roof and onto the pig-parts conveyor belt. He nearly made it to safety. However, a short distance from the ravaging hogs, he slipped off the greasy belt and drowned in a rendering vat. This tragedy was announced a week after the accident by company officials after a thorough search had been held for the missing man. In an additional announcement by the company, Oscar Wilder is recalling 30,000 hot dogs for suspected contamination of an undisclosed nature. Please call their D-O-G-G-Y-S-T-Y-L-E Hotline number for details. |
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